This post will be short.
If you feel stuck, don’t know what you “should do”, perhaps consider this. What if your job/mission/ultimate goal/whatever you want to call it, is to build yourself up to an unbelievable character? I don’t mean character as a fictional movie role kind of thing. But this way:
- The mental and moral qualities distinctive to an individual.
- The distinctive nature of something.
Instead of your friends saying that “you’re a nice/cool/awesome guy”, what if the people you meet say “that guy has an unbelievable character” about you?
Something to consider.
I had lunch with a friend the other day. I had a crush on her a few years back, for a couple of years. It didn’t work out and thankfully, I was over it as soon as I knew it wasn’t gonna work out :D. She’s now married and about to have a baby!
But this post is about letting go… After the lunch, we both walked back to our offices. During this short (but seemingly long) walk, we hardly had anything to say to each other. I felt a tiny bit awkward and tried to make small talks. The funny thing is, we used to spend so much time together back then, and I never felt the intense awkwardness. It’s very similar to the feeling when you’re at a networking/social events trying to “network” with a lot of people and all of a sudden, you run out of things to say.
Which brings me to the real point of this post: that’s when I know that it’s time to let go. Not of the crush, because I let that go loonggg time ago. But of the forced friendship now. Things change. Time heals. And hey, the friendship isn’t as good as it used to be. I’ve changed. Time to move on. Heck, she has REALLY moved on with a husband and a kid (a family!) already.
Which just dawned on me another idea: we usually have no problem dealing with people older than us who are at a different stage in life. Like, if your friend is 10 years older than you and has kids and a family (and not still renting out an apartment like you), you have no problem with that. But when your friend is the same age with you (or close) and is married with kids and a house, and you’re not, it usually doesn’t work. Well, except if you are me, and your friend is my buddy TJ.
Back then, she and I were at the same stage. Now, we’re not! I’m still renting apartment :).
The Wisegeek notes that identity crisis happens when teens are going through the stage of questioning what they want to do as adults.
[…] in the teenage years when kids begin to define what they will do as adults, and what their values are.
Am I a late boomer in this department? Cuz I’m no teenager – in fact I have just turned 22 :) My gut tells me that many people going through life without ever knowing concretely what their values are, and have forgotten what they wanted to become when they were in teenage years. To be fair, the Wisegeek did say it is now thought that identity crisis occurs at any time, especially during periods of great transition.
This is the beginning of a transition. I can feel it coming. It’s been 4 years in school (wonderful UFV.) It has become what I intimately know most. Many late nights working and studying into the wee hours. It’s the place that saw me growing up from a shy high school graduated international kid into somewhat of a braver and wiser 20-something. It has arguably seen me in the most vulnerable time of my life.
However, 8 more months (hopefully) and I will be graduated. It’s my final year. There’s an overwhelming feeling of un-accomplished-ness, that there are still so many things I want to do. There’s also a feeling of uncertainty, about my career, even employability after school. All the news about unemployment in the States have kinda elbowed me a little bit, though I know the situation is vastly different here. But more importantly it prompts the question related to the identity crisis: where do I want to go after this?
Up until this point, where I go next have been decided by my family. For the first time in my life now, I get to choose where I go next; although I know my father secretly wants me to go back to Vietnam badly! And my mother wants me to travel down the States! But I get to choose now!
I guess that’s why there’s a question about the identity crisis. My hat is down if you know the answer. Double hat down if you are sure about the answer. That is, society and external expectations place so much stress and influence on us that sometimes it is hard to know if we come up with it ourselves or instilled in us without our knowledge.
The only way to find out though I believe, is research and self-honesty. What are other people feeling (please tell me) and what lies are you telling yourself?
First off, my name is Nguyen Dinh Nguyen. That’s right. First name and last name the same. Only in English though. In Vietnamese, it’s Nguyễn Đình Nguyên – slightly different, though you probably won’t notice the difference even if I pronounced it to you the most Vietnamese way possible. But that ain’t matter. What matters is how Nguyen is pronounced.
Nguyen is pronounced Win! That is the closest English word that describes how Nguyen is pronounced in Vietnamese. Not Gwen, not /ngunien/.
Why am I saying this?
- My name is Win Win! Yay, that’s the coolest name ever (quoting from my co-worker Amara!)
- It’s a shame that some kids named Nguyen told other people that “Nguyen” is pronounced “Gwen” or “ngunien”. I just couldn’t believe it so here I am, explaining to the world how Nguyen is pronounced
What does Nguyen mean?
- Well, Win in English means victory
- In Vietnamese, Nguyen means “a whole, in one piece”, “united”, “fully”
- In my language, total victory
I have an ambitious goal: To make the world aware of the “Nguyen” legend. Here is how I got started.
So now you know!